Last Week's Movies #53

I watch so many movies that my movie memory is started to overload. So I've decided to start doing short reviews for each film I've watched during the week. Often they'll be movies I'm viewing for the first time, but some may be favourites that are getting their latest re-watch.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

(Germany, 1920, Robert Wiene)

10/10

One of the undisputed greats of the silent era, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari acts as the perfect definition of German Expression. Its beautiful sets and contorted angles are still as effective as they ever were. But more impressive, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari remains a genuinely disturbing horror film. The performances are unearthly - helped by the dollops of black and white make up - and the story manages to get under my skin with each repeated viewing. There are two standout members of the cast - Werner Krauss as Dr. Caligari and Conrad Veidt as Cesare. Fittingly in this dark tale, the standouts are both antagonists, however unwilling the latter may be. Krauss is a powerhouse of bugged eyes and hunched stature, while Veidt manages to terrify even though he spends most of the film unconscious. With an ending that is still imitated today, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is not only a masterpiece, but a film crucially important to the development of cinema.       

Creature from the Black Lagoon

(USA, 1954, Jack Arnold)

9/10

For far too long I've neglected the famous Gillman of the Black Lagoon. I've seen the majority of Universal's monster films - well, the classics, at least - but Creature from the Black Lagoon always slipped me by. Now, finally having seen it, I can see why it inspired so many great filmmakers like Joe Dante and John Carpenter. As simple as it is, it is quite an amazing monster movie. The biggest reason to see this is, of course, the Gillman himself. I expected the monster's design to appear cheesy and laughable... it is anything but. The design of the creature is excellent and surprisingly believable. The Gillman costume allows enough personality to seep through the rubber and creates a sympathetic monster. The gills that can be seen breathing in and out add a touch of realism, and the monster's webbed hands allow for many excellent goofy scare scenes. Creature from the Black Lagoon succeeds in the difficult task of creating a monster that is both frightening and sympathetic. And to see the creature in motion under the water is a particular treat. The underwater photography in Creature from the Black Lagoon is spectacular. And the genius of keeping the film in practically one watery location for the majority of the film works wonders. The lagoon itself becomes a character. The human characters are not as interesting as the monster, but they are not irritating either. They serve their purpose in the film and some are even quite likable. Creature from the Black Lagoon was not the shoddy b-flick I expected it to be, instead it is a polished and brilliant b-movie.        

 

Dracula

(USA, 1931, Tod Browning)

8.5/10

I had not seen Universal's Dracula for at least ten years, and I must say it's not the film I remembered. Dracula is the beginning of Universal's foray into monster movies, and it doesn't hold up as well as some of its contemporaries. I'd go as far to say that it's not a very good film. The script is patchy, feeling as if chunks were pulled out (apparently on set, director Tod Browning literally tore out pages of the script that he felt were unnecessary) and the lack of a score makes for an odd viewing experience. Dracula has long chunks of nothingness and fails to follow up on major plot points. Had I not been familiar with the book, I think certain scenes would have me befuddled. But despite its many flaws, Dracula is still a classic of the horror genre. Firstly - and most obviously - this is because of its leading man. Bela Lugosi is one of the true greats of the genre, and, as much as I love Christopher Lee, he is Dracula. His performance may have been parodied to death, but there is no denying that his presentation of the character is the definitive Dracula. Lugosi is slick, scary and even funny at times. Dracula is also a classic for its brilliantly horrific atmosphere. From its spiderweb-infested opening in Dracula's castle to the stormy boat journey and finally to its dusty finale, Dracula is a triumph of style. Visually, the film is impeccable. Interestingly enough, Browning apparently left his cinematographer to direct most of the film. So, as talented as Browning was, a lot of credit must be given to Karl Freund - a wonderful cinematography responsible for photographing masterworks such as Metropolis. A flawed and dated classic, Dracula is still a must-see for all those interested in the horror genre (and cinema in general).        

The Evil That Men Do

(USA, 1984, J. Lee Thompson)

6.5/10

Let's be honest. Charles Bronson vehicles of the late 70s and 90s - from Death Wish onwards - are all the same movie. Some baddies do bad things, Bronson comes in and kills them all. The repetition is not a problem for me. Why? Because it is a blast watching Bronson doing what he does best. (Death Wish 3 is the pinnacle of these films - Bronson's retaliation is so outrageous and violent that he ends up doing more bad than good.) So essentially we have the same movie over and over, except each film differs in quality. And how do I judge the quality of a Bronson revenge flick? I have some basic criteria: how evil are the villains, how awesome are Bronson's one liners, how violent is the movie, how ridiculous is the action and does Bronson make any hilarious comments about food.  

The Evil That Men Do is a mix bag; it delivers sometimes, but it is also a let down. To start with the good, the film scores points for some excellent villains that are truly horrid. And any villain entourage instantly gets a golden star if it includes John Glover. Bronson's one liners are a confusing mess in this, making for some big laughs. Bronson himself is his usual gentle, smiling (and psychotic) self, and his character has a hilarious relationship with a fish. The action is quite outrageous at times, but it is sparse. The Evil That Men Do scores huge points for a scene where Bronson violently crushes a giant's penis. We get a few blood splatters and what not, but nothing truly offensive. Bronson at no point makes odd comments about food, but he does lure a man into a death trap with the promise of a bisexual three-way. The Evil That Men Do sounds better than it is. However, it's not the joyous carnage of Bronson's most insane films. 

Gemini

original title: Sôseiji

(Japan, 1999, Shin'ya Tsukamoto)

8/10

Gemini is an oddity amongst Tsukamoto's work. It is far from the cyberpunk insanity and city settings of Tetsuo and the majority of his films prior to 1999. It feels more in tune with older, moralistic, Japanese horror stories. And it should. It's based on an Edogawa Rampo story. The story is like a reverse Martin Guerre and presents a classic story of separated twins. One twin grows up rich, the other - because of a disfiguring birthmark - is discarded by the parents and winds up in the slums. The neglected twin returns to his home to take back what is his, including his brother's wife. When Tsukamoto made this in 1999, it was a big change in story and setting for his work. Yet it is still - no doubt - a Tsukamoto film. While Gemini is not quite as in your face stylistically as say Tokyo Fist or even Nightmare Detective, recognisable Tsukamoto elements are certainly present. This can be seen from the frantic camerawork - particularly in the fantastic flashback sequences - and jumpy editing. But Tsukamoto appropriately reigns back his visual swaying to allow for the period setting. There is nothing especially bad about Gemini, but I found it to be one of Tsukamoto's less interesting works. The story - while enjoyable - is nothing interesting or new and the performances are inconsistent. Gemini will be enjoyed by those that appreciate Shin'ya Tsukamoto's filmmaking (although he seems to have some "fans" that hate everything he's made outside of Tetsuo) and those that like classic Japanese horror storytelling will also get something out of it.      

Hudson Hawk

(USA, 1991, Michael Lehmann)

?/10

What on earth is Hudson Hawk? Honestly, how the hell did this amazing mess of shitty brilliance get made? Who the fuck let Bruce Willis write a script? Was the casting director some kind of maniac? What possessed a studio to give such an obviously mentally challenged movie so much fucking money?! Hudson Hawk is impossible to describe. It's gluttonous 90s filmmaking at its worst and best simultaneously. It is more immature than the most obnoxious of 90s kids films and 80s teen flicks combined. Yet as much as the disgraceful script appears geared towards children, the dialogue is peppered with more fucks and shits to fill a Kevin Smith film. And while we occasionally get ridiculous comedy violence that would embarrass the Three Stooges (Bruce Willis getting punched up in fast motion by James Coburn, 'nuff said), the film is awkwardly bloody and gory. And the story! It's a convoluted mess, filled with a ridiculous amount of ridiculous characters. Willis is supposed to be a cool guy, a hero and a great burglar (as the characters tell us constantly), yet we see no evidence of this through his idiotic actions. While Hudson Hawk is a fucking disaster of Hollywood stupidity, it's also incredibly entertaining. And not just as a car crash analogy. No, sometimes, SOMETIMES, Hudson Hawk is genuinely and deliberately funny ("are you gonna die, mister?" is a particularly great line). But then other times, the attempts at comedy nearly made me vomit. Everyone involved in Hudson Hawk should be equally proud and ashamed of themselves. 

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

(USA/UK, 1975, Jack Arnold)

9.5/10

I hated The Rocky Horror Picture Show the first time I saw it. It was a truly a case of "not getting it". Watching it now, for the first time in years, I have a whole new appreciation for it. With its amazing cast, ridiculous plot, science fiction homages and great music, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is deserving of its cult status. Despite being seen by practically everyone in the world, this is the definition of a cult film. Obsessed over by fans, a flop at its release, The Rocky Horror Picture Show - along with a few other classics of the 70s like Pink Flamingos - changed cinema's landscape for the better. The Rocky Horror Picture Show, from start to finish, is complete and utter chaos. And I mean that in the best possible way. It is chaos, but a deliberate chaos. The songs and off the wall performances tie in directly with the film's story and tone - something that musicals often get wrong. At the centre of The Rocky Horror Picture Show is Tim Curry's performance. Curry is beyond brilliant and, for me and most other people, he is Dr. Frankenfurter, no matter who else plays him on stage. The Rocky Horror Picture Show isn't perfect. I found that the first half is better than the latter and the ending drags a little bit. But it remains entertaining to the end. This definitely ranks as one of the ultimate must-see movies of the 1970s. 

Spartacus

(USA, 1960, Stanley Kubrick)

7/10

I can see why Kubrick disowned Spartacus. It's not a bad film, but it may as well be called Kirk Douglas's Vanity Project: Spartacus. There is nothing particularly Kubrickian about Spartacus. The sweeping generic score, the flawless protagonist/martyr, the predictable script and the cringe-worthy dialogue are not exactly traits associated with Kubrick films. Douglas as Spartacus is perfection - not in performance, but as a character; he never takes a moral misstep. This creates a dull hero. It doesn't help that he has to spew some pretty atrocious lines, but it's Douglas's delivery that really bugged me. In fact, all the American actors are the weak link in the cast. The mixture of accents is very jarring. The thick American accents of Kirk Douglas, Tony Curtis and - worst of all - John Dall stick out and sound absurdly modern when spoken next to actors like Laurence Oliver. It's not all doom and gloom. As a (traditionally overlong) historical epic, Spartacus is not bad. The amazing - and really dangerous looking - battle sequences are up there with the best, some of the performances (Laurence Oliver and Peter Ustinov) are fantastic and, despite the long running time, the story holds attention. As a film, Spartacus is good, at times even great. As a Kubrick film, it is a disappointment, but remains a fascinating look at the stepping stone that made Kubrick the director he would become.  

Speed Lovers

(USA, 1968, William F. McGaha)

6/10

Speed Lovers starts badly. It opens with ten minutes of dull stock footage of car racing with an announcer blabbering over the top. The announcer/commentator brings up a few names that will be relevant to the film later on, but at this point we've met none of the characters. With the horrible opening out of the way, Speed Lovers picks up... uh... speed, and becomes a reasonably fun bad movie. Speed Lovers is about a "punk kid" (played by a guy who looks to be in his mid-forties), the son of the world's greatest mechanic, who wants to be a car racer. He bugs his dad and racer buddy and winds up getting mixed up with a ginger-bearded gangster who likes to "step on people". Speed Lovers is a repetitious mess. Our hero is extremely unlikable - none of the other characters like him either - and most of the movie consists of him whining about his desperate need to be a car racer. The gangster's evil plans makes no sense whatsoever, and the story meanders for eighty minutes and then awkwardly brings things to a cheesy halt. Speed Lovers has a few things going for it. It has a lot of fun 60s music on the soundtrack. There's lots of goofy dancing. The acting is nonexistent and thus hilarious (one of the characters is played by a real life car racer - and he's fucking awful). And any scene involving the gangster is stupidly funny. Speed Lovers is a turd, for sure, but bad movie fanatics will be sure to get their kicks out of it.

Teenage Bride

(USA, 1975, Gary Troy)

4/10

With a title like Teenage Bride, you'd expect a wild ride of politically incorrect sleaze. But sadly, you would be wrong. There is no teenage bride in this film (at least I couldn't see one). There is sleaze, but it's fairly restrained. Teenage Bride is more or less a mediocre softcore flick that sluggishly meanders from one dull sex scene to the next with little entertainment in-between. The film scores minor points for having some truly heinous men in its leads that create a few giggles. Why all these attractive women would want to have sex with disgusting fat and old men is beyond me. There's really very little to say about Teenage Bride. It is a vaguely interesting relic of the 70s, but even for fans of skin flicks, there are far, far more entertaining ones to watch.   

This Stuff'll Kill Ya!

(USA, 1971, Herschell Gordon Lewis)

2/10

I love Herschell Gordon Lewis, but even his biggest fans can't deny that the man has made some truly unwatchable garbage. This Stuff'll Kill Ya is by far the worst and most boring that I've seen from Lewis. At an annihilating 99 minutes, This Stuff'll Kill Ya is far, far, far too long. In that 99 minutes, we've got perhaps 5 minutes of entertaining footage. Even by trash movie standards, that's pretty bad. The opening ten minutes of this film is a preacher babbling incomprehensible nonsense. When that rubbish finished I thought "okay, now the movie starts", but no. Oh no. This preacher character continues his pausing-restarting-pausing garbling monologues right till the end of the film. It's hideous. I couldn't even tell you the story of this film. I was watching the film with no distractions, but it was so boring and awful that I wasn't processing anything. I'll give This Stuff'll Kill Ya two points. One is for the depressing casting of two talented men - a has-been, Tim Holt (yes, the Tim Holt of Treasure of the Sierra Madre), and a future b-movie star, Larry Drake. The other point is for a brutal stoning scene that was actual a little disturbing. As Joseph A. Ziemba of Bleeding Skull (the finest review site on the internet) puts it, it's best to view This Stuff'll Kill Ya as a "cultural artifact". Even Herschell's worst are a fascinating watch, but be prepared to be left furious and half-asleep.

Thunder in Dixie

(USA, 1964, William T. Naud)

8.5/10

Thunder in Dixie is one of the biggest surprises in Something Weird's amazing catalogue. I had never heard of it, and I have it only because it came in a larger collection. All films released by Something Weird tend to be entertaining, or at least interesting, but rarely are they "good" - in the traditional sense - films. Thunder in Dixie is. Throwing this DVD in my player, I felt wary as the titles started. Hearing nothing of this film, I assumed it would be a stinker. The first few minutes did nothing for me, but as Thunder in Dixie sped along, I found myself paying more and more attention to the television screen. Thunder in Dixie is a story of a vengeful car racer. He blames his pal - and rightly so - for killing his girl in a drunken car accident. He decides to murder his ex-friend in their next car race. Part melodrama, part tense thriller, Thunder in Dixie is quite an impressive film. The speedsploitation genre is not one that has interested me, but Thunder in Dixie moves beyond being simply a movie about fast cars. Its performances are surprisingly good and the film is tightly paced. William T. Naud shoots the film with confidence and unlike Speed Lovers - the film that it shares a double bill with in its DVD release - the race scenes are not made up purely of stock footage. In fact, the film's twenty minute finale is genuinely intense and beautifully cut together. Thunder in Dixie is one of the most underrated films in the Something Weird archives. I highly recommend picking up the excellent DVD set Drive-In Classics, Thunder in Dixie is a highlight in an already glowing set of exploitation classics.

The Wolf Man

(USA, 1941, George Waggner)

9.5/10

The Wolf Man is another Universal monster movie I've neglected. Watching it now, even with all the anticipation and hype, it still managed to thoroughly impress me. With its brisk, economic storytelling, The Wolf Man is possibly the most entertaining Universal horror I've seen - or at least as entertaining as Bride of Frankenstein. First of all, the film has a wonderful atmosphere. The British setting is permanently ominous with its foggy and cold exteriors. Then there's the Wolf Man's design. While my generation grew up with the excellently executed werewolves of The Howling and American Werewolf in London, the Universal werewolf is no slouch either. With a face that reminds us of its human form, the Wolf Man is as tragic as it is terrifying. Universal were great at creating sympathetic, but still scary, monsters. Lon Chaney Jr. isn't quite the performer that his father was, but he is still a lot of fun. I've never considered Chaney Jr. a good actor, rather he is a great presence and is always instantly likable. From start to finish, you are on Chaney's side and hoping he can cure his lycanthropia. The Wolf Man also features a fun cameo from Bela Lugosi and a truly funny (and creepy) scene involving Chaney hitting on a girl at an antique shop.       

Funnies of the Week #63

Boris does the mash

You'll laugh as hard as you cry

Fuck Aussie television

Downtown goodness

Last Week's Movies #52

I watch so many movies that my movie memory is started to overload. So I've decided to start doing short reviews for each film I've watched during the week. Often they'll be movies I'm viewing for the first time, but some may be favourites that are getting their latest re-watch.

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein

(USA, 1948, Charles Barton)

8.5/10

At no point in Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein do they meet Frankenstein. A more appropriate title would have been Abbot and Costello Meet the Wolf Man and Have Run Ins with Dracula and Frankenstein's Monster. But despite its misleading title, Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein is an outrageously fun movie and quite an important development in the horror-comedy genre. Surprisingly, Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein isn't simply a goofy parody of Universal's monster movies. The comedy is constant, but the horror aspects of the film and the monsters themselves are taken seriously and presented respectfully. The monsters all look as good as they did in the original Universal films and their designs aren't dumbed down for comedic effect. The casting of Lon Chaney Jr. and Bela Lugosi also shows the effort and respect to the genre from the studio. Even Vincent Price shows up for a cameo. I'm not a big fan of Abbot and Costello's comedy, and their routines can become grating in Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein. But for the most part, their presence works. They are the outsiders of the story, out of place in the horror genre, which makes their reactions and terror all the more funny. Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein may be the first successful undertaking in the much maligned horror-comedy genre.              

Bodyguard Kiba: Combat Apocalypse

original title: Bodigaado Kiba: Shura no mokushiroku

(Japan, 1994, Takashi Miike)

5/10

Bodyguard Kiba: Combat Apocalypse is the first of two sequels to the decent Miike outing Bodyguard Kiba. The original Bodyguard Kiba was an okay early entry in the Miike canon. It lacked the genius that was to come, but it was fun and light as a bit of sleazy yakuza action. The sequel is not exactly atrocious, but it is quite a stumble in the downwards direction. This is partially the fault of Takashi Miike, although most of the blame should be placed upon the awful martial arts expert and manga writer Hasao Maki. Any Miike film written by Maki tends to be one of the director's few bad films. With Bodyguard Kiba: Combat Apocalypse, Maki not only writes the script, but he extends his role and arrogantly casts himself as the film's toughest character. Maki's script is half-arsed. Kiba is hired to protect a girl and they go to stay at a karate dojo. But Kiba's been double-crossed as the guy that runs the dojo wants revenge on Kiba's karate school for being vaguely responsible for his father's death. Other things happen, but it's all pretty simple and straightforward. Bodyguard Kiba: Combat Apocalypse doesn't end. It stops. I blinked and the credits were rolling. Nothing is resolved. I'm assuming the third Bodyguard Kiba follows directly on from this, but still, I would have preferred some resolution. Miike has to take blame too. For the most part, the film looks okay and the actors are decent enough, but there are some shockingly odd choices in the filming and editing. Worst of all is the fight scenes. Fight scenes are sped up like Benny Hill skits and punches don't connect, but send people flying across the room. Bodyguard Kiba: Combat Apocalypse is watchable, but I can only suggest it to Miike completists.       

  

Eden Lake

(UK, 2008, James Watkins)

9/10

WARNING! This review probably contains spoilers!

Good lord, Eden Lake upset me. As a hardened, desensitised viewer of horror and exploitation, I'm surprised that a film managed to kick me so hard in the balls. A couple (played brilliantly by Kelly Reilly and Michael Fassbender) go on a relaxing holiday to Eden Lake. Eden Lake is surrounded by beautiful countryside... and disgusting chav teenagers. Their first day at the lake is interrupted by teenagers listening to loud music and their Rottweiler dog shitting next to them. The couple continues to have escalating run ins with the rude teens, until it culminates in the teens stealing their car. In a confrontation with the teenagers, the Rottweiler is accidentally killed and the couple must run for their lives from the angry lads and ladette. The best horror films play on fears that we can relate to. Eden Lake is nothing new in terms of structure and story - taking cues from films like Straw Dogs and Texas Chainsaw Massacre - but the fear that it plays on is. And it is a fear that is very relevant to a modern audience. It is the fear of horrible teenagers. Any person that rides public transport knows the uncomfortable feeling of dread when loud teens pour into the carriage. And that is what Eden Lake is, but intensified with deadly outcomes. 

Never before have I felt so desperate for protagonists to survive a horror film and never have antagonists created so much venom in me. The teens and leads are perfectly cast in Eden Lake. Eden Lake is also far from your typical nu-horror. In recent horror films - particularly those from the US - you can practically envision the filmmakers masturbating over its own graphic CGI-infected violence. Eden Lake is violent, but not the sort of violence that an audience can cheer for. The violence shown towards the protagonists is brutal and realistic. And unlike the rape-revenge genre, the audience is not allowed satisfaction is seeing the antagonists' blood spill. In fact, Eden Lake goes as far as to play with our demands for revenge. The only teens that are killed are the sympathetic ones. Their deaths make us feel guilty. We want revenge and get it, but it's not who we want. Eden Lake has a nihilistic ending. It left me feeling ruined with its demonstration of an older generation's violence breeding a new generation's violence. Eden Lake is not perfect. In order for our leads to wind up in their terrible situation, they make some pretty silly - and classic horror movie - choices. The title sequence is also rotten and gives the impression that the film will be your typical nu-horror turd. Minor complaints aside, Eden Lake is one of the nastiest horror films of the past decade.

Godzilla 2000

original title: Gojira ni-sen mireniamu

(Japan, 1999, Takao Okawara)

7/10

I love Godzilla in all his forms, but I must say that the Millennium series which begins with Godzilla 2000 is my least favourite incarnation. Godzilla 2000 is a good summation of what is wrong with the series. The effects are a huge step down from the excellent 90s movies. Godzilla still looks great (thankfully), but he is surrounded with unbelievably dated CGI and an overuse of (poorly executed) green screen. The miniatures that we've come to love in Godzilla films are great when they're actually being used. Sadly, Godzilla is often simply projected amongst real Tokyo buildings. The other issue with Godzilla 2000 - and all the films of the Millennium series - is that the story outside of Godzilla's plight is really not that interesting. The human characters are decent, but reasonably forgettable. The film also takes far too long to reach its finale. However, it must be said that the finale is infinitely better than the film's build up. Godzilla's battle with Orga is exciting and the film finally has some fun with its gleeful destruction of city buildings. Godzilla 2000 also scores points for presenting Godzilla as he should be. Not a hero, not a villain, simply a sometimes necessary force of destruction. One of the lesser entries in the Godzilla series, Godzilla 2000 is still worth a viewing, especially for fans.      

Husbands and Wives

(USA, 1992, Woody Allen)

9/10

Husbands and Wives is an excellent Woody Allen film. Allen's script is funny, dramatic and realistic. It is also strangely prophetic of his impending split from Mia Farrow, made all the more bizarre by Farrow's appearance and furious performance. Husbands and Wives looks at the break up of a marriage between Jack (Sydney Pollack) and Sally (Judy Davis) and the effects it has on their friends Gabe (Woody Allen) and Judy (Mia Farrow) - another couple with problems. Husbands and Wives manages to encompass many tones and emotions without feeling strained. There are some incredibly intense moments - some romantic - and many funny scenes (especially those involving Sally's paranoia). Some scenes manage to somehow be both tense and hilarious, like Sydney Pollack's amazing exit from a dinner party. The cast is a brilliant collection of performers. Judy Davis is the stand out. She is hysterical in the role of Sally. Even Juliette Lewis, who normally irks me, is quite good in this. Husbands and Wives is not exactly light viewing, but it is great.    

I Spit on Your Grave

(USA, 2010, Steven R. Monroe)

6/10

I don't always agree with Roger Ebert. When it comes to horror films, I almost never agree. He can be prudish and overly judgmental when it comes to anything graphic (ironic, considering the movies he wrote for Russ Meyer), but I still respect him as a critic. I don't agree with his rating of zero for I Spit on Your Grave - both the original and the remake. However, a quote from his review of 2010's I Spit on Your Grave pinpoints exactly what's wrong with it. Ebert says, "this (version) is more offensive, because it lingers lovingly and at greater length on realistic verbal, psychological and physical violence against the woman, and then reduces her 'revenge' to cartoonish horror-flick impossibilities." I couldn't agree more. I Spit on Your Grave starts out brutally and realistically - too much so, its focus on fetish is a little much - but once the gang rape is finished and the girl gets her revenge, things get just plain stupid. Unlike the original - which is a masterpiece of horror, in my opinion - the revenge is over the top. Rather than the meticulous revenge of the first, the remake is an excuse for silly deaths and outrageous set ups. It doesn't help that some of the effects are less than stellar. Watching CGI crows pecking out a guy's eyes is laughable and not at all shocking. I Spit on Your Grave follows the original's basic plot, but deviates majorly by adding a Sheriff character who is in on the rape and having the characters unaware that their victim has survived. These changes alter the point of the original - to show the intelligence of female violence and the brutality of men - and reduces the film to a generic torture-porn horror. And as a generic (ignoring the horrific, disgusting rape scene) modern horror, I Spit on Your Grave does actually works. After the rape scene, it's fairly entertaining. But there's not an ounce of intelligence to be found. The characters are completely single layered - evil men and innocent girl - and nothing is surprising. The male characters from the original were brutal opportunists, here they are ridiculous perverts. It's funny watching the behind the scenes of this remake. The director and actors seemed to have thought they were making a masterpiece. They weren't. I Spit on Your Grave is no masterpiece, but there are far worse remakes out there.    

Matador

(Spain, 1986, Pedro Almodóvar)

9/10

You know Matador is going to be an interesting experience when the opening scene is a man furiously masturbating over a montage of violent images from horror movies (I recognised a few Bava films in there). Yes, Almodóvar is in fine form with his tale of the destructive love between two murderers. Like all of Almodóvar's best work, Matador is a mixture of humour, shocking gratuity and camp. Almodóvar has his two leads play things straight while surrounded by fairly ridiculous caricatures. This approach works well. The plot is simple and effective. It is very much over the top, but Almodóvar does not allow Matador to degenerate into a farce. The relationship between the two murderers is handled beautifully and, thankfully, without any consideration of morality to get in the way. Matador is an extremely entertaining film that some will love and others will find incredibly offensive.

The Oyster Princess

aka My Lady Margarine

(Germany, 1919, Ernst Lubitsch)

8/10

Ernst Lubitsch is one of my favourite directors, but I've never paid much attention to his silent period. Instead, my viewing of his work has mostly been limited to his Hollywood talkies. After watching The Oyster Princess, I will most certainly be picking up some more of his German silent films. The Oyster Princess is an entertaining little film where the beginnings of the famous "Lubitsch touch" can be seen. The film is playful and full of obnoxious - but lovable - characters. The story is classic Lubitsch. A rich tycoon's daughter demands a husband, a prince to be exact. A destitute prince is approached, and he sends his servant to check out his potential wife. The demanding daughter believes the servant to be the prince and marries him before he gets the chance to object. The Oyster Princess is far from Lubitsch's best, but it is an interesting taste of what was to come. The story is light and fast-paced and the performances are very fun. Lubitsch manages to stage some impressive scenes with an enormous amount of extras and complex choreography. I'm not sure how this compares to the rest of Lubitsch's early work (having only seen one other silent film by him), but The Oyster Princess should be enjoyed by those interested in his work and those that enjoy silent comedies. 

The Seventh Continent
original title: Der siebente Kontinent

(Austria, 1989, Michael Haneke)

9/10

Films by Michael Haneke are so heavy handed that I often feel like I'm watching Austrian government educational films when viewing his work. Yet no matter how cold, clinical and one-minded his films can be, I can't deny the power they have over me. The Seventh Continent is Haneke's first theatrical feature, but you can't tell. It's almost as if in 1989 Haneke made his mind up about what kind of a filmmaker he was going to be. The Seventh Continent is strong and confident, and nothing has changed in Haneke's depressing view of the world of the upper-middle class. With The Seventh Continent, Haneke deconstructs the middle class prison of menial tasks, and the depression that comes from being trapped in this world. He shows us a family that are stuck in repetition that leads to the (repetitious and meticulous) destruction of their world. The Seventh Continent, like everything Haneke makes, is infuriating and frustrating stuff that will leave you wanting to bang your head against the wall. But it makes its message loud and clear - as is always the way with Haneke - and the film's finale is very effective. The Seventh Continent is the start of Haneke's assault on the world.     

Small Time Crooks

(USA, 2000, Woody Allen)

7.5/10

Small Time Crooks is a bit of fun. It's not the best Woody Allen film I've seen, nor is it the worst. It kept me thoroughly entertained from start to finish, but I couldn't help but feel that its more laid back first third was its highlight. It seems as if Allen had two ideas with Small Time Crooks. The film begins with Ray (Allen) and a band of dense criminals planning to break into a bank. Their plan is to open a cookie shop with Allen's wife Frenchy (Tracey Ullman) running things while they dig towards a nearby bank. But then the cookie shop does well and everyone becomes a millionaire. This is where a new film begins and we get the story of Frenchy attempting to buy class and Ray desperately trying to get away from the world of pretentious art collectors. In its latter section, I missed the characters we are introduced to in the first part, and Frenchy and Ray's struggles in the world of the rich just wasn't quite as entertaining as the simple idea of the film's set up. Luckily, the script is full of great dialogue and Tracey Ullman is a blast. It's certainly no masterpiece, but Small Time Crooks is hard to dislike.   

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans

(USA, 1927, F.W. Murnau)

10/10

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (or simply Sunrise) is, no doubt, one of the greatest films of all time. Personally, I think it is the best film Murnau made and it is one of my all time favourite movies. Often ignored in a sea of more visually or thematically epic silent films, Sunrise deserves to be known as one of the true greats, if not the greatest film, from the silent era. A deceptively simple story of romance and betrayal, the tragedy in the first half of Sunrise is nearly unbearable and its beautiful portrayal of love and forgiveness in its latter half is intoxicating. Like its story, its wonderful performances and characters are timeless. The raw emotion of Sunrise is its strongest attribute, but Murnau's beautiful visuals aren't far behind. The cinematography in Sunrise is incredible to watch even today with long tracking takes and breathtaking lighting. The editing is also impressive and used creatively in certain moments like its visualisation of the city and to show an adulteress's hold on the leading man. Anyone remotely interested in cinema should see Sunrise immediately.       

Tobacco Roody

(USA, 1972, Bethel Buckalew)

7.5/10

I read a comment on an Amazon user's review of the Tobacco Roody and Southern Comforts DVD that made me laugh pretty hard. This cheated viewer writes, "these two films are really nothing more than softcore pornographic films. There is no plot, just endless scenes of incest, adultery, and group intercourse. Buyers beware." Yes, buyers, beware. There is no denying that Tobacco Roody is in fact a skin flick. However, if - like every other reviewer on Amazon - you are a fan of goofy 70s nudie films, then Tobacco Roody is about as entertaining as they come. Full of non-stop, ridiculous sex scenes, Tobacco Roody is a lot of laughs. I honestly can't imagine the hillbilly sex titillating anyone. Every sex scene is either incestuous or contains grotesque fat or old men. Sometimes it's just downright creepy, like the boozy semi-conscious orgy at the end. At feature running time, this softcore film is a bit of a stretch, but those that enjoy this genre will get a big kick of the slack-jawed goofballs pounding away in Tobacco Roody.        

A Woman Is a Woman

original title: Une Femme est une femme

(France, 1961, Jean-Luc Godard)

9.5/10

My favourite Godard film, A Woman Is a Woman is a delight from start to finish. I'm not a huge supporter of Godard. I like a lot of his work, especially his earlier films, but sometimes he is too overwhelmingly pretentious and his films become unwatchable. A Woman Is a Woman is clever and self-aware, yet manages to remains playful and enjoyable unlike some of Godard's numbing recent films. It is a tribute to Hollywood musicals, but rather than parodying, it deconstructs. Godard's cast helps in making this film a masterpiece and at the centre of that cast is the legendary and gorgeous Anna Karina. Karina was somewhat of a poster girl for the New Wave and she is in fine form in A Woman Is a Woman. Her performance is loud and flamboyant, and very deserving of the praise she received at the film's release. Jean-Paul Belmondo and Jean-Claude Brialy are overshadowed by Karina, but also deliver excellent performances. As intelligent as A Woman Is a Woman is, it is also extremely entertaining, which is not something I can say for all Godard films, even some of his early work. A great film, see it if you enjoy Godard or Hollywood musicals.